It's either that or I have an undiagnosed personality disorder .... maybe both ....
I was driving and thinking ... as I sometimes do and as much as I've been changed in the obvious ways by RA, there are other ways in which a diagnosis changes a person.
I'd like to think I've become more tolerant, I'm definitely more compassionate. I think it has happened out of necessity, that my BS tolerance is even lower than before. Being diagnosed with a scary chronic illness and being on a scary treatment plan definitely changes a person. Sayings like, "life is short" become even more magnified, more so when we hear of people in our community passing away prematurely and with an auto immune disease, you have no front line to little "bugs" that most people can cope with. I have found that I distance myself from people when petty dramas occur or are discussed, I withdraw .... I can't even bring myself to initiate a discussion over it with them, I simply leave, physically, emotionally ... and make space between us. I don't know if this is the "right" thing to do or not, but it's what I do.
Isolation is another thing that I know a lot of us face. Emotional and physical isolation ... I live alone and am not in a significant relationship, but I know that it's not really a factor, it feels like it, but it's not. Anyone who is sick would feel like this at times, I imagine. Then there is the fact that we often turn down invitations or can't attend things at the last minute, depending on how we are feeling. The other times, we simply don't get invited .... we are unreliable and out of sight ..... I think it definitely takes more effort to be "with us", only the true, good friends shall remain .... I have been on both sides of this situation as one of my closest friends has been battling an auto-immune disease for over twenty years ... we are still close, although we don't see each other much .... It makes me sad, but it also has me appreciating the relationships that I do have ...
The Imaginary Friend
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