You're Thinking of Having Children?

I see posts all the time from women with Auto-Immune Diseases, inquiring about meds and pregnancy - and I wonder how much thought has gone into this decision and the bigger picture.  Please read this knowing that I am coming from a good place as a first hand witness.

Let me first say that my best friend has been battling SLE for over 22 years - she was finally diagnosed in her mid-late 20's after "losing" two babies VERY late in the pregnancies.  Her body attacked the placentas.  The procedure to "terminate" was horrific for her.  She and her husband wanted children very badly - so much so that I don't think she considered the repercussions to a) her b) the children.

Now I am going to work the story backwards .... She has two VERY LOVED, beautiful girls aged 21 & 16, who are also very smart (bi-lingual) and independant, that grew up not wanting for ANYTHING - they were so very wanted and were "miracle" babies.  Both girls have had health issues, and no-one knows what future auto-immune issues they could potentially be diagnosed with.

My friend is currently and has been for a long time - very, very, sick - from long term treatment and as a result of breast-feeding and having the children.  She would have to prepare her body with drugs for a long time prior to conceiving and had extremely high risk pregnancies as well as gestational diabetes both times.  Now, she has been told that having the children and the breast-feeding were probably the most taxing and worst things she could have done to her health.  She also made the decision to have children knowing at the time of her diagnosis that SLE patients had approx 20 years to live once they were diagnosed, she is still with us, but it is not an easy existence, in fact it is heartbreaking to witness sometimes.

I can't tell you how much guilt she has had due to her inability to do things - as much as she has historically "done" alot - more than most - for her kids and the children in her community.  BUT, day to day, you all know, when you are flaring or are on difficult treatment, you are not always able to DO things - not even for yourself.  I also know there is guilt of what potential health issues she may have passed onto her "babies". 

The last component is your spouse .... you have them now, do they always help you when you need it?  Yes, you want to be together forever ... will you be?  Do you have a strong family or community support?  What if that goes away?

My advice - take it or leave it - is to think really hard about how you want to live your life and what your legacy will be .....

The Imaginary Friend